Love

Halfway through an engagement. Only five month until the wedding.

Scary, and awesome.


I'm so amazed by Adam's love.

2010

And thus begins a new year...

No words seem enough to describe the shift in my life since the beginning of 2009.

I...I can't even begin to think of what to say.

Dreams are becoming realities in 2010. I'm finishing my bachelors, I'm getting married, I'm growing up.


God, carry me through this year. Thank you for the blessing of the previous year.


I love you.

This is a lame blog

In short: we know more than our predecessors because we know our predecessors.

We are nothing without our own history.

Our history is Christs death.

An Age-Old Struggle

Typically, when I start to write, I have no idea what I want to say. Often I begin writing only because I have nothing better to do. For instance, the internet will not load for me this morning. What else should I do with my hour before classes? I already cleaned up the pile of clothes at the foot of my bed. I’ve gotten dressed, brushed my teeth. I’ve neglected to fix my hair, but that can wait until my roommate is out of the bathroom. So what am I to do, while I wait for it to be time to traverse campus, to study Russian, to read Candide? What do I have to say that’s worth anyone hearing? The only answer that I can think of, is something Adam said to me last night:

“God made you. He made you for me. Thus, you are beautiful in my eyes.
And in His eyes. And in the eyes of you friends and family.
And beauty, real beauty, is a lot deeper than skin. A lot deeper.”

I’m not alone when I say that I struggle with my appearance. Most women do, I think. No matter how many times people tell me I’m gorgeous, I end up letting Satan sneak in, and tell me something different. My face doesn’t match my body, one eye is a darker shade, I have three gray hairs, I weigh too much, nothing fits….I could go on for hours. There are a million excuses I find to make myself feel like crap. And it amazes me, that I have the ability to take any negative thought (and sometimes positive ones ), let my imagination run wild, and envision that I am the ugliest person in the world. How wrong, how very very wrong, is that?

Something I often tell people, is that “God makes no mistakes”. When life’s circumstances are uncertain, when situations go bad, we can be safe knowing, that God doesn’t make mistakes. We do. And the glory of that, is that God can take any of our mistakes, and use it to found a better future for both ourselves, and others we may never even know. So when I discredit my face, my hips, my thighs, my toes, I’m discrediting God’s handiwork. I’m tell him, that something he created – in his own image – is unworthy and unacceptable. I’m putting myself in a place I don’t belong, to say that God made me ugly. It’s a lie. God made me for a reason. For a purpose. For something a lot greater than a mirror. My body, is shaped the way God designed it to be shaped. If you have the same struggles as I do, let me reiterate:

God made you for a reason. For a purpose. For something a lot greater than a mirror.

We are all part of a glorious masterpiece, a work of art that surpasses the most brilliant of arts in the human world. Every one of us. Not just the skinny ones, or the athletic ones, or the blondes ones, everyone. I wish that I could say this ended the struggle for me, for you, for everyone. But it doesn’t. Our culture beats into our heads with every magazine, every fairytale, every ad that “thin is in”. Weight loss clubs and advertisements give us options to “get slim quick”, to “lose those last fifteen pounds”. And though physical fitness is a grand idea for anyone, taking care of yourself and your body means a whole lot more than being thin. I’ll continue fighting this battle, for the rest of my life. And I may never win. I may never look in a mirror everyday and see the beauty that shines through my body. But what I can be sure of, is that God has already won the battle in my place. And through him, I’ll find my peace.

---

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will
strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand”
-Isaiah 41:10

Something Beautiful

It's 12:30sm. I start classes tomorrow. Russian, at 9:30am. You know, I knew it was a mistake when I decided to take a nap this afternoon. I knew it was a mistake when I turned my alarm off. I knew that I'd never get to sleep tonight. But I did it anyways.

What I didn't realize, is that in the dark at night when you can't sleep, is the opportune time for Satan to plague your mind. Every insecurity and struggle I have is at the forefront of my mind, and it's oh so tempting to think those things. The beauty of that, is that God's right there too.

I hear him in Adam's voice, who calls for the millionth time to see if I'm okay. I hear him in the music I play on my iPod, I see him in the glass of milk I take from the fridge (hey, it's a comfort drink!). God is everywhere.

Let your love, fall down on me
Let your mercy set me free
Let your love fall down on me my God
Let your spirit fill me up
Lord let your glory be enough
Let your love fall down on me my God
'Cause I need you like each breath I take
Father hold me and keep me safe
Lord I'm asking you to cleanse my heart with love.


--

I thought that might make me tired. It doesn't appear to have that affect. It does calm my heart though. Because who can say any of that about Satan? He's pretty much just a lazy guy in red who jumps at peoples weaknesses to do his will. Funny thing is God is so opposite, He jumps at our weaknesses, sure, but he jumps at the chance to heal us. To give us his strength.

It's curious to me how much God wants us to succeed. How much he gives us every chance we need. We just kind of have to take him up on it. Quote I love

"...that does not mean that all roads lead to God, rather that God will travel all roads to find you..."


God loves us where were at. In the moment. It's not conditional. It's not, "be perfect and I'll love you". Dude, if it were like that I'd've been dead long ago.

God's a pretty chill guy. He doesn't care if your black, blue, green, yellow, straight, gay, bisexual, sexist, greedy, what have you. He paid for it all. "His wounds have paid my ransom". Yours too.

There are no requirements to receive his love other than to receive it. Let God do the dirty work, he wants to. He wants us to be happy, and share his awesome-ity with other.

Let's do it!


Man, I'm at a liberal college. I'm around a lot of people living without God's love. It breaks my heart everyday, because I see what they're missing out on. And it's sad. My life is no better than theirs, I've got the same trouble and issues and all that crap. But He's the difference. God is the difference between living in constant hell and earth and living with a purpose and a future far beyond what we can imagine.


God is good.


All the time.


Even when we can't sleep past midnight.


Yeah, this is totally random. No one's up and I'm not tired but i am tired. I figure if no one else, God is listening.


No matter how lonely I get, I'm not alone.



So I'm just here, waving wildly, fighting to let God love me wholly.



goodnight world.


Sarrah LOyce

Oh So Lovely

raindrops fall from the sky
as each tear drops from his eye
the Father who gave us his life
cries with His son tonight,

the son feels like his faith is fading
and like he can't climb out of this sin.
and he can't see that God's also crying
He's saving Him from dying
and he's teaching him to fight

the son,
broken,
cannot see it
but his Father's holding on tight.
He's not letting him go,
He's not letting satan step in.
He's got a plan that lasts,
lasts beyond,
beyond times end.

not far away,
light from a daughters eyes
starts to fade, it's fading away
she feels the weight of the world
and feels like her faith is starting to fold

but her Fathers still looking,
He hasn't forgotten
beyond her sight
His future is forming.

the dark cannot cover
it cannot pluck another
life from the Fathers plan.

in the dark the daughter hears someone
and as light fades, the son lifts up his face
and they find themselves together
within the Father's grace.

in spite of satan's lies
the father wills it
and he intertwines their lives.

she lifts a weary arm,
as he lights a tired light
neither son nor daughter
feel alone tonight.

as they softly embrace,
a smile fills God's fact
for He's known it all along.

the rain's no longer falling
as the glorious sun bursts forth
as they as they pull close together,
they hear their Father calling
and they let him fill the space
with His never ending grace

every gap within their lives
is filled with the Father's blood
all sin,
all satan,
is eternally washed away,
and they're relieved of their countless strifes.

they can live with Him forever
and share in eternal life.

-Sarrah Loyce - 9/11/2009

THE FRENCH FRY AND THE PLATYPIE

Kait, this is for you. Everything that happens has a purpose, and nothing is unknown to God’s eyes. There’s a will and a purpose for it beyond what you could imagine, and so all you’ve got to do is keep trusting in God. Sometimes, being certain of God means being uncertain with the way the world is, but trust me, you are a beautiful daughter of his, and he’s got incredible places for you to go. I love you chickadee. :)
- + - + - + -
A blank sheet of paper is daunting. I love to write, but I fear the words I have to say are not enough. Not well enough put, not fancy enough, not elaborate enough. I worry no one will know what I’m talking about. That my words will simply fill a void. Take up a space that no one notice. And sit in a dull, lifeless existence for all the time they grace this world. And it makes you wonder, is this how I see my own place in the world? Because my words, are very much me. I put my soul into my poetry, and I feel free to say things in a way I never could out loud. But I’m not fading as person, and as long as my words are mind, they aren’t fading either. Whether they ever become well known, or adored, or even if another human being never see’s them, that doesn’t diminish their value. There’s a simple invisibility in nearly everything we do.
Now, I haven’t a clue how those thought relate to these, but I figure as I write, it’ll come to fruition. I’ve been avoiding writing this blog for some reason I don’t even know. But everytime I’ve started, I’ve given up and turned away. The topic? “French Fry’s and Platypies”. Thank you Kait. You see the whole idea started at Dairy Queen. Kait and I went out for lunch, and we were talking about everything under the sun, plus some. At one point, Kait told me a BRILLIANT saying she’d heard, “If you ever doubt God has a sense of humor, look at a platypus”. It was great, funny, not to mention really actually true. As the conversation went on, we somehow got on the topic of how God works little things that seem unnoticed into big things.
I mean hey, the “big thing” here was that we both had food, in front of us, to eat. I went off on some tangent as I often do. I said, you know, think about where this food came from. I mean check it out right, you’re eating French fries (so am I). Those had to be cooked. Someone here cooked them. But you know, to cook, they had to be delivered, so someone brought them here. But they had to be packed to be delivered, so someone had to do that. But I mean, they had to be cut up to be made fries. So you know you had to have someone slicing potatoes. But the potatoes had to come from somewhere. And you know, we haven’t got a CLUE who EVER planted these potatoes, I mean if you wanted to you could maybe trace it back, but nobody ever would. But I mean knows, that person, who planted the potato to be cut to be packaged to be shipped to be cooked for us to eat could have been walking down the street by those platypie (yes, we made up the plural version) that God made, and heck, our French fries are connected to it.
So. What’s the point of all this humble jumble? I’m pretty sure my first concept has nothing to do with my second one. But you know, if you searched hard enough, you could find the connection (besides the fact that I wrote them both). Because isn’t that the point? That everything is related and interconnected. Maybe the French fries are not REALLY kin to any platypus down the road (though I like to think they were), God is sovereign over all of that. If he wanted them to be, they could and would be connected. There is no detail - no matter how insignificant it may seem - that God hasn’t accounted for LONG before it ever happened. My writing is no mistake. It’s not a secret. God knew what I had to say long before I even existed to think to say it. And that is pretty, freaking, amazing. Look for the little things God does in your life, that you might not notice. You could be amazed when you realize how well worked and intricate something so simple as a French fry could be.