An Age-Old Struggle

Typically, when I start to write, I have no idea what I want to say. Often I begin writing only because I have nothing better to do. For instance, the internet will not load for me this morning. What else should I do with my hour before classes? I already cleaned up the pile of clothes at the foot of my bed. I’ve gotten dressed, brushed my teeth. I’ve neglected to fix my hair, but that can wait until my roommate is out of the bathroom. So what am I to do, while I wait for it to be time to traverse campus, to study Russian, to read Candide? What do I have to say that’s worth anyone hearing? The only answer that I can think of, is something Adam said to me last night:

“God made you. He made you for me. Thus, you are beautiful in my eyes.
And in His eyes. And in the eyes of you friends and family.
And beauty, real beauty, is a lot deeper than skin. A lot deeper.”

I’m not alone when I say that I struggle with my appearance. Most women do, I think. No matter how many times people tell me I’m gorgeous, I end up letting Satan sneak in, and tell me something different. My face doesn’t match my body, one eye is a darker shade, I have three gray hairs, I weigh too much, nothing fits….I could go on for hours. There are a million excuses I find to make myself feel like crap. And it amazes me, that I have the ability to take any negative thought (and sometimes positive ones ), let my imagination run wild, and envision that I am the ugliest person in the world. How wrong, how very very wrong, is that?

Something I often tell people, is that “God makes no mistakes”. When life’s circumstances are uncertain, when situations go bad, we can be safe knowing, that God doesn’t make mistakes. We do. And the glory of that, is that God can take any of our mistakes, and use it to found a better future for both ourselves, and others we may never even know. So when I discredit my face, my hips, my thighs, my toes, I’m discrediting God’s handiwork. I’m tell him, that something he created – in his own image – is unworthy and unacceptable. I’m putting myself in a place I don’t belong, to say that God made me ugly. It’s a lie. God made me for a reason. For a purpose. For something a lot greater than a mirror. My body, is shaped the way God designed it to be shaped. If you have the same struggles as I do, let me reiterate:

God made you for a reason. For a purpose. For something a lot greater than a mirror.

We are all part of a glorious masterpiece, a work of art that surpasses the most brilliant of arts in the human world. Every one of us. Not just the skinny ones, or the athletic ones, or the blondes ones, everyone. I wish that I could say this ended the struggle for me, for you, for everyone. But it doesn’t. Our culture beats into our heads with every magazine, every fairytale, every ad that “thin is in”. Weight loss clubs and advertisements give us options to “get slim quick”, to “lose those last fifteen pounds”. And though physical fitness is a grand idea for anyone, taking care of yourself and your body means a whole lot more than being thin. I’ll continue fighting this battle, for the rest of my life. And I may never win. I may never look in a mirror everyday and see the beauty that shines through my body. But what I can be sure of, is that God has already won the battle in my place. And through him, I’ll find my peace.

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“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will
strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand”
-Isaiah 41:10